Reality hit
So this may seem like a silly thing (When I said that to my husband, he guessed what I was going to say next!), but reality hit me yesterday... I am actually going to have a baby. Two actually.
I was meeting with my boss to review my maternity leave plan when it all became sort of real to me. I mean, I will actually be leaving my work for a year. I will actually have 2 small infants who will be 100% dependant on me for survival. My life is really on the cusp of a great change, hopefully for the better, though in reality who really knows how it will turn out in the end?
I worry a lot about money (Jelbondo - we are cut from the same thread I think!) and how we are going to afford these kids. I mean, we were going to be tight with 1 child, now that it's 2? It's going to be even more difficult. I think of daycare costs alone - it can cost $600 / month for 1 child in daycare! ! ! Why even bother working at that rate??? And then there is the cost of strollers, clothes, food (I say breastfeed as long as possible!!!), and later, entertainment, sports, activity enrollments, hobbies, toys, books, school... the list goes on and on. I know a lot of places have discounts for twins, but it still expensive!! What was I thinking?
Yes, i waited and worked for 8 years to get pregnant and I don't regret being pregnant AT ALL. I just wish I had more money or was in a different place in my life/career.
Here's an odd coincidence that I wanted to write about too. I was born in 1970 (now you know how old I am) which is the Chinese Year of the Dog. My children will be born in 2006, also the Chinese Year of the Dog. I wonder what that means?
When I was in Grade 5, there was a boy in my class who, in front of the entire class, said "Penny is a dog." I was devastated. The teacher did nothing while the rest of the class discussed whether or not Penny was a dog. It was the most humiliating day of my entire life. I got up from my desk, got my coat & book bag, and left school. I cried the whole way home (I didn't go right now, I went to the park down the street for the rest of the day) and have never told a soul about this until now. (And now I'm telling the entire WWW!) I think that this event shaped who and what I am probably more than anything else. I have always been incredibly insecure about who I am, what I look like, and what other people think. What is strange to me is that no one mentioned this event ever again, not the teacher and not the student. No one even phoned my parents to tell them that I'd left school. I really liked that teacher - but what a dimwit!! I can't imagine that happening nowadays.
Anyway, what was my point? Oh yeah, I've thought about that event A LOT since and I think that what Thane (that was the kid) was getting at, was that I was dog in the Chinese calendar. At least, this is what I tell myself. I tell myself that he wasn't as mean spirited and cruel as he seemed at the time.
Okay, I'm going to sign off now. And Jelly - yes, this is free.
I was meeting with my boss to review my maternity leave plan when it all became sort of real to me. I mean, I will actually be leaving my work for a year. I will actually have 2 small infants who will be 100% dependant on me for survival. My life is really on the cusp of a great change, hopefully for the better, though in reality who really knows how it will turn out in the end?
I worry a lot about money (Jelbondo - we are cut from the same thread I think!) and how we are going to afford these kids. I mean, we were going to be tight with 1 child, now that it's 2? It's going to be even more difficult. I think of daycare costs alone - it can cost $600 / month for 1 child in daycare! ! ! Why even bother working at that rate??? And then there is the cost of strollers, clothes, food (I say breastfeed as long as possible!!!), and later, entertainment, sports, activity enrollments, hobbies, toys, books, school... the list goes on and on. I know a lot of places have discounts for twins, but it still expensive!! What was I thinking?
Yes, i waited and worked for 8 years to get pregnant and I don't regret being pregnant AT ALL. I just wish I had more money or was in a different place in my life/career.
Here's an odd coincidence that I wanted to write about too. I was born in 1970 (now you know how old I am) which is the Chinese Year of the Dog. My children will be born in 2006, also the Chinese Year of the Dog. I wonder what that means?
When I was in Grade 5, there was a boy in my class who, in front of the entire class, said "Penny is a dog." I was devastated. The teacher did nothing while the rest of the class discussed whether or not Penny was a dog. It was the most humiliating day of my entire life. I got up from my desk, got my coat & book bag, and left school. I cried the whole way home (I didn't go right now, I went to the park down the street for the rest of the day) and have never told a soul about this until now. (And now I'm telling the entire WWW!) I think that this event shaped who and what I am probably more than anything else. I have always been incredibly insecure about who I am, what I look like, and what other people think. What is strange to me is that no one mentioned this event ever again, not the teacher and not the student. No one even phoned my parents to tell them that I'd left school. I really liked that teacher - but what a dimwit!! I can't imagine that happening nowadays.
Anyway, what was my point? Oh yeah, I've thought about that event A LOT since and I think that what Thane (that was the kid) was getting at, was that I was dog in the Chinese calendar. At least, this is what I tell myself. I tell myself that he wasn't as mean spirited and cruel as he seemed at the time.
Okay, I'm going to sign off now. And Jelly - yes, this is free.
posted by T&H MOM at
12:12 PM
1 Comments:
Well, isn't it odd how something that is said to you as a child can so affect you. At the same school, a kid came up to me and asked me if I was a girl or boy. that too affected who I am and how I see myself today. I have long hair for that reason. (althought that does not mean much today!) Anouther incident that affected me was the day I wore shorts to school (it was January) the kids all laughed at me (Rose was the one that started it - big surprise - NOT)I thought they were laughing at my uncoordinated outfit, they were laughing at the shear stupidity of wearing shorts in January in CANADA! I never picked out my own outfit again in elementary school! To this day I am worried that everyone thinks I look like a boy in dorky clothes!
Now as for the money thing, take it from someone who knows, in the end, if you have faith, it will all come together. Just when you think you will not find the money, something comes up! (and besides that what the Parental units are for! LOL)
You will have more of those moments, the HOLY SHIT moments! And you will continue to have them for the next 30 years (or more) but remember you will also have the WOW moments, like when the two babies actually sleep at the same time, and you get to have a shower is peace and quiet, or when someone comes up to you and gives you a big hugs and says, I love you, mom! (Can you believe Edward did that the other day! - and he did not want anything!) Or when you see your kids playing with each other, some silly game, you remember playing with your sibs. As much as they are loud, expensive and sometimes REALLY anoying, they give you happiness, and a warm feeling in the pit of your stomach, every time you think about them. * (unless it is when you are thinking about how they managed to leave a $200 pair of snowboarding boots at the hill!!) OK, this has to be the longest comment on the face of the planet. Hugs and Kisses, your big sister.
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